Can you remember the last time you were in the most fabulous state of health? Want to find that again? You’ve come to the perfect place. Welcome.
Quite proud I have come this far myself without feeling the need to keep pestering Rumana. Its day 5 of the bowel cleanse and I just keep thinking of this as a gift to myself. (It makes some of the more rancid potions easier to swallow!!) However there are a few things I need to ask....As yet no monsters have crawled out of my bum, so I'm thinking that I'm not doing it properly? Hmm......The headache is like elastic bands being squeezed round my head......had a massage but its back so I'm trying yoga tonight!! My friend Jill says I must have been almost as toxic as Sellafield.....
Surprisingly I have had an excellent weekend. Was worried because I had 2 really important "Do's" to go to and I was stressing about how I would cope without a drink and eating from a buffet not knowing what the ingredients were in the food. However I coped really well and I genuinely believe its because I feel so good about my progress, feel good inside and the support I am getting from John. He has been nothing short of fantastic. Finished the clay last Thursday and am currently half way through the Paragon kit. Keen to start the Liver cleanse. I've read its the worst one of the three and quite an emotional time.........I really don't want to be at that vulnerable stage....I'd like to feel as I do now.......empowered, positive and strong.
I am sitting at work and I have never felt so sick in my entire life.....I feel worse than than when I used to party too hard and disco too fast!!!! Its only week 2 of the liver and I am not only the tiredest person to grace God's Earth but I am ready to throw in the towel. This morning I have done my first "Flush". MY GOODNESS!!!!!!! Is there no other way......????? The flush itself took 40 mins to make......I kept making mistakes in the measuring....and it took a further 10 minutes to drink!!! (it ended up being nearly a full pint glass of liquid......!!!) As I write it is taking me every ounce of strength from within to hold it down......I would give my right arm to just throw up.......Every time I move I belch a small puff of fresh, in your-face, potent, rancid, nauseous thickness of garlic rifts into my mouth and its only adds to the need to be sick.........Surely this is not the way forward....???? Give me a headache and tiredness over this..........!!!
Just back from the retreat week in Spain. Speechless. Fantastic. I just wish we could all have taken a little mini Fi home with us....I tried to make lentil Dahl last night and it was like soup!!!!!!! Everyone says I am looking really well........so that's making me think this definitely needs to be done next again next year!!!! I am so aware of just how much calmer I am and how much of my hard shell has been peeled away leaving the raw and lovelier me without the bad attitude of past....!!! Don't know how long it will last tho...?? I have to contend with one of my demons tonight, but then I remembered I am in charge....!!!!! Well, of me anyway...........This is a beautiful journey.
I’m working on my kidneys at the minute and boy oh boy am I peeing lots!!!! I saw Rumana yesterday and she re-tested my physical self and I’m really on track. She was really pleased. All that did show up was that my liver needs more work. She said that didn’t surprise her because the liver is the hub of all emotion and with the emo work I am doing now coupled with the drug abuse and anti-depressants over the years its bound to need a little more TLC....!! I'm guessing I need to give it so much TLC it will have its own place at the Christmas dinner table!!
Aside from the fact that my hair is doing a cleanse of its own and falling out a little more than normal - this really is a really scary one! The weight loss is slowing down now!!! I expected this. But whilst with every pound that comes off I am elated- I am absolutely terrified too. I have gotten this far before and look what happens as soon as I get to goal......I don't know how to behave when I am 'there' and put all the weight back on again. I am so afraid if my body gets to 'weight goal' and my mind isn't there waiting for it - I will go into 'sabotage mode' again and get fat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn't mind but I am really enjoying this journey and I am bang into my running at the moment so even though I don't feel like anything I have before I cant help but hear my inner critic telling me my fears are justified. I have to try to work with myself like Rumana has shown me. Its all about balance and listening to your fears......Hmmm. Still need some time with this one!
This rocks!!!!! I have lost 42 pounds!!! 42 pounds!!! Check me out!!! This just gets better. Still frozen to my very bones but my skin is clear, (well on my face!!) and more to the point I am understanding my thoughts better than ever before. Work is mad at the minute and my veins feel like a cortisol super highway!! Note to self, really must start taking notice of the books instead of just using what I have learned from them to make humour of my situations. Laughed at myself this morning when I started comparing the freedom I feel inside with that of an albatross. Second mental note to self: Ask Rumana is chosen insanity a side effect or an avoidance technique?
OH MY GOD!!! MY PEE IS LUMINOUS!! Even more so than after I have taken the B-complex! Rumana has recommended I take Siberian Ginseng Tincture from Herbs Hands Healing because of how crazy my life is at the moment. I was quite excited when the parcel arrived. The bumf that came with it claimed it was a magic elixir that could make me almost superhuman! That may well be the case, but I have only taken one dose and my wee is so bright I almost went blind. I nearly had to shout to get my sunglasses passed into the toilet! It was like Ibiza sunshine radiating from the pot!! Watch this space because at this rate I think I may be about to expel Sellafield from my own bladder.
Is it too early to tell if a tincture is working? Felt like a Gazelle this morning on my run. I watched the sunrise running up the back roads home and I was quite choked. It was as if the whole run took no effort whatsoever. I suspect I am just a little over excited and remind myself that as I am borderline mental anyway, and its not yet the tincture but maybe just the thought that I am giving my body some support in the mammoth task I am asking of it. I definitely feel more serene. Not in a vacant way but in a very reflective kind of way. I'm not sure why all of a sudden things seem to be dropping in to place but they are. I keep having periods of clarity. Its as though all the emotional sessions I am doing don't always make sense but the information stays in a corner of my mind waiting for something to happen so what I have learnt can be applied....?
Ha! The weight is shifting again. God I love the control!! Yikes....I need to let go of that thought I know....but old habits...yes, they do sodding die hard. Not in a good mood today at all. Well aside from the shift on the scales. Was sick this morning! Got a headache now and I think I am close to burn out. I hate everyone today and its go 'F' all to do with any cleansing, emotional work or sod all. I am just so f***in tired! Only a small period of hibernation would assist my cause. I feel so irritated that every time the phone rings it sounds more like fingernails down a blackboard- than a mate requesting some attention. God, I am such a itch. I need a public safety announcement making before I walk into the room. Been learning how to let go of fear because when you face it it doesn't actually exist.....Well, when I ran past the Pheasants this morning they all panicked and flew off. They didn't grasp the concept that I was just a person running by - they used their natural survival instinct and chose 'flight' rather than 'fight'. So who am I to try to modify a natural instinct in me???!! I have fear! I am frightened I am going to fail. I am frightened I am going to be fat again. I am frightened I am going to make mistakes! But most of all today I fear for John’s safety being in the same house as the Queen of Blackness!
Oh how a lovely long sleep can fix a multitude of mood disorders. I still feel ravaged and I can’t seem to re-hydrate myself but I do know however that this burn out wont be bad and wont take long to get over. No longer than a couple of days. Only because I am such good health and have some good reserves of vitamins kicking around. My prescription is superb. I can really feel the difference this year than the same time last year. Everything is so busy at work at the moment and normally under the same conditions my body would just go down with every little bug that dared fly past my nose, but this year I feel stronger. Yes, I am stressed, yes I am tired and yes I have lots of external influences going on that I need to deal with rather than eat to push them away but I feel able to cope. I feel drained but I don't doubt that when I go to bed my body has the tools to do what it needs to replenish me. I am glad Rumana wouldn't let me do another organ cleanse this side of Christmas. I appreciate where she was coming from now. It would just be too much. Under the circumstances I feel the next six weeks are a time for nurturing, protecting and nourishing myself. I will start some hard core cleansing in January. I heard someone who did the bowel a couple of times pood a whole lump of mercury! How cool is that!
Jul 24, 2013
Hi Really e joyed reading your blog Your self honesty n reflection is inspiring (((*_*))